The five why's as a change in thinking (or don't be a troll to people)

I've been a really big fan of the five why's. It's a great way to get to the root cause of problems. This came to my mind recently as a friend posted about internet trolls on social media. These people were getting on her about being overweight and I came to realize why these people do what they do. They are stuck at level one reasoning.

You see, the five why's allow you to keep asking questions until you get to the root cause. For example, let's ask a hypothetical person why they are overweight. Let's call him Jim. me: Why are you overweight, Jim? Jim: Because I eat too much.

me: Why do you eat too much?
Jim: Because it's what I do while relaxing in evening.
me: And why do you do that?
Jim: Because I just want to feel good, work is stressful.
me: Why is work so stressful?
Jim: Well, my boss is always hounding me and the work never ends, etc...

Here, I only did 4 why's but you get the idea. Jim's problem isn't the fact he's overweight, it's that he's stressed at work. If I was counseling Jim, I'd offer him advice about changing his work habits to reduce stress at work. He could also use some alternates to relaxing at home other than overeating. Other people would have equally challenging reasons for being overweight including stress from kids, medical reasons such as poor thyroid function or side effects from required medication. The point is that many of the real problems lie underneath the surface and trolls just don't think this way. They are locked into the first answer, "Because I eat too much". They see someone overweight and just assume they're lazy slobs or gluttons. The truth is deeper than they're willing to look because they have no desire to empathized with others.

Interestingly, this is the same problem many people have. They are literally prejudiced. The are pre-judging (judging before they have all the necessary information) other people's issues and causing them to come to the wrong conclusions. I certainly have been guilty of this. My son might throw a fit over having to do chores. I get mad at him because I think he's being lazy when in reality he had a really tough day at school because someone picked on him. The five why's would have let me know that. I have to keep reminding myself to empathize with him. (and everyone else for that matter!)

Empathizing means being willing to understand that you don't know what someone has gone through to bring them to this point. If you want extra points, ask them how they're doing. You just might come know an amazing, imperfect person with lots of interesting history.

Interesting chess game

A coworker and I really enjoyed this one and I wanted to see if I could get it to embed on my site. Enjoy!

Eating better and exercising

Hey everyone,
After the new year I decided to to try eating better and excercising. I found my results to be so much better that I thought I'd share them with you.
First off is the diet. I stumble upon a website that talked about the Paleo diet. It's based around the idea that we should eat food similar to that eaten by our ancestors, since that is the diet our bodies should be built to eat. It made a lot of since to me. You can read about it in a few posts: here, here, and here. The basic idea would be to cut out a lot of carbs and sugars. It also involves cutting out the processed stuff, but I haven't gotten there yet. With three kids it's hard to find to time to cook with only fresh items.



Anyways, I found the results of removing most of my carbs to be really amazing. I have constantly fought fatigue while at work. Sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day doesn't exactly get your heart rate up and so you can end really lethargic. I found that I was drifting off a lot, had trouble concentrating, and often needed some where between 3 and 6 caffeinated drinks a day. Now, that I don't eat as much carbs, I feel fuller after eating (due to eating more protein and fat), have less cravings, and I don't feel down or lethargic anymore.



In addition to the diet, I have been exercising three times a week for around 40 to 50 minutes a shot. The DVDs I use are TurboJam, Slim in 6, and Pilates (Shut up! I know I'm a guy but they seriously work your abs and legs). Mostly, I'm just sore right now but hopefully I will be in good enough shape to run around with the kids more come spring. Those kids have unlimited energy and I'd hate to miss interacting with them just because I'm out of shape.



So what have you guys found about dieting and exercising? Any favorite dishes, exercise programs, etc?

1 Peter 3:15

Something I've been thinking over the last few days is Peter's call to "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." Typical answers are "my family" or "my job" Another would be something like "I would have nothing good in my life without him". I think most people are expecting something different.

If I give a reason for my faith it should be something different in my life because of my journey towards Christ. Is this true? Maybe my thinking is too much in the self-centered western style i.e. what's in it for me. Perhaps it is better to say "God has been good to me whether I have followed him or not and is worthy of our praise even if we don't receive anything for it".

So which is it? A life devoted to him because it is a better life or a life devoted to him because he has already given you a great life?


And now the first paragraph in german for the fun of it:

Etwas habe ich in den letzten paar Tagen gedacht ist Peters aufforderung "Seid allezeit bereit zur Verantwortung jedermann, der Grund fordert der Hoffnung, die in euch ist". Typisch Antworten sind "meine Familie" oder "meine Arbeit". Anderer wäre so etwas wie "Ich wurde nichts Gutes in meinem Leiben ohne ihn sein". Ich denke, die meisten Leute erwarten etwas anderes.

The pros and cons of radicalism

A recent post by Paul Krugman got me thinking today. His editorial really tries to portray the GOP as an extremist group. Maybe it is now, I'm not sure, but if so why is this bad? If you believe in a certain way of thinking, it would seem to be quite natural to move positively in that direction. Krugman, here is justifying why the democrats are better than republicans as if the democratic party wasn't just as full of radicals as the republican party.

Either way, there is implicit "way of the Buddha" = good in his post, that I don't think is a fair assumption. Certainly, keeping the middle ground will certainly keep a person popular but it by no means guarantees that your philosophy or theology or whatever is well grounded. I come at this point from my own perspective of libertarianism where I really see a firm grounding in what they believe, contrary to what most conservatives or liberals seem to believe. Both sides make lofty statements to defense or education or whatever topic with out any real sense as to why what their arguing for is such a good thing. Maybe that's why the two sides seem to disagree all the time. Their implicit assumptions are not known to themselves or to the other side, so they simply talk past each other. If that's true maybe it is a good thing that we cherish the middle ground, because if you don't have a firm philosophy in mind you're quite likely to go careening off into dangerous territory.

I remember reading the Quest for the Radical Middle which is a history of the Vineyard movement which I've been a part of since college. It's a great story of trying to split the line between Pentecostalism and Evangelicalism, a position the vineyard has had since it's inception and why I think they tend to come down on the correct side of so many issues when it comes to religion. Really its about believing the whole of scripture in its context and then moving forward radically in that direction. It's certainly something that drew me to the movement and hopefully will sustain it for many generations.

How do these things relate? I guess it shows that when you are well grounded in your assumptions, be they be political philosophy or theology you can be and should be quite radical. Push forward with whatever you believe in. It's those kinds of radicals that change the world for the better. On the other hand, if you fail to ground yourself and you become radical you'll end up a touchy-feely, wishy-washy pentecostal versus an all brain, no heart, bible thumping evangelical. Or a bleeding heart liberal versus tea-partying conservative.

Notes from parenthood

I wanted to put together, mostly for myself, some thoughts I have learned while parenting. Maybe some of you will enjoy it as well.

1. Make time for your spouse. If you don't make it a priority other things will make your priorities for you. Probably my biggest regret of the last 5 years is not spending enough time with my wife.
2. Make time for your kids. It's too easy to just let them play on their own.
3. Do your best to interact as a family with other families. Our culture has put so much emphasis on individualism that it's too easy to stay in your own house day after day. This is not the way most cultures work, don't let it become you way of life or else the pressures of parenting and marriage will grind you down.
4. The fastest way to teach a baby how to roll over is to put them on the couch.
5. The fastest way to teach a baby how to crawl is to put them on the floor with something dangerous on the other side of the room.
6. Managing expectations is the key to happiness. If you expect too much, you become disappointed with life; if you expect too little you become a cynic. I've been guilty of both.
7. Expect to lose half your free time when you get married. It won't really feel like that much though because you can spend your time together doing the things you used to do by yourself.
8. Expect to lose another 90% of what's left with your first child. Subsequent children will also take 90% of what's left. Actually, this has a lot of variability in it. Some kids are very calm and can deal with being put down for long periods of time. My first born required almost constant attention. So much so that Valerie couldn't even get time to eat without him screaming.
9. The mom will forget about how bad things once were after about one and half years.
10. Don't worry about number 8 too much. The kids will learn to play by themselves eventually or you'll learn to get up earlier to do the things you want or both.
11. Pray a lot. Everyday at least and constantly if you can manage it.
12. Feel free to swear, or swear more, after the kids are asleep. You've earned it, damnit.
13. Learn to ask for things that you want. If you go through marriage silently resenting your partner for never doing something you think you need, it's your own fault. Your partner isn't a mind reader. At least, not at the beginning.
14. Speaking of super powers, do fly your children around the room like superman.
15. Don't treat your spouse or your kids like they're God. i.e. don't expect them to be perfect and don't worship them either.
16. One of the best pieces of advice I've ever gotten was from Lauren Catlin's dad Ralph. (For those keeping track that's my best friend's wife's dad): Your relationship with your spouse on earth reflects the relationship you have with God. If that's true I expect most men have a problem communicating with God; both praying to Him and listening to His voice.
17. I definitely have the problem described in 16 both with God and my wife.
18. I will reserve comment on what women's common issue is in 16.
19. Getting a dog right before getting pregnant was probably not a good idea.
20. Moving to a foreign country with three kids, a cat, and a dog probably wasn't the smartest idea either.

Feel free to add your own thoughts in the comments.

Nathan Alexander

Praise God for bringing me my son!
He will move mountains with his faith!
He will conquer his enemies!
And his deeds will be known throughout the land.

Amen

Prophetic unterance or just a really wishful dad....