The five why's as a change in thinking (or don't be a troll to people)

I've been a really big fan of the five why's. It's a great way to get to the root cause of problems. This came to my mind recently as a friend posted about internet trolls on social media. These people were getting on her about being overweight and I came to realize why these people do what they do. They are stuck at level one reasoning.

You see, the five why's allow you to keep asking questions until you get to the root cause. For example, let's ask a hypothetical person why they are overweight. Let's call him Jim. me: Why are you overweight, Jim? Jim: Because I eat too much.

me: Why do you eat too much?
Jim: Because it's what I do while relaxing in evening.
me: And why do you do that?
Jim: Because I just want to feel good, work is stressful.
me: Why is work so stressful?
Jim: Well, my boss is always hounding me and the work never ends, etc...

Here, I only did 4 why's but you get the idea. Jim's problem isn't the fact he's overweight, it's that he's stressed at work. If I was counseling Jim, I'd offer him advice about changing his work habits to reduce stress at work. He could also use some alternates to relaxing at home other than overeating. Other people would have equally challenging reasons for being overweight including stress from kids, medical reasons such as poor thyroid function or side effects from required medication. The point is that many of the real problems lie underneath the surface and trolls just don't think this way. They are locked into the first answer, "Because I eat too much". They see someone overweight and just assume they're lazy slobs or gluttons. The truth is deeper than they're willing to look because they have no desire to empathized with others.

Interestingly, this is the same problem many people have. They are literally prejudiced. The are pre-judging (judging before they have all the necessary information) other people's issues and causing them to come to the wrong conclusions. I certainly have been guilty of this. My son might throw a fit over having to do chores. I get mad at him because I think he's being lazy when in reality he had a really tough day at school because someone picked on him. The five why's would have let me know that. I have to keep reminding myself to empathize with him. (and everyone else for that matter!)

Empathizing means being willing to understand that you don't know what someone has gone through to bring them to this point. If you want extra points, ask them how they're doing. You just might come know an amazing, imperfect person with lots of interesting history.